And We Are Off to the Great NW!

 

Things are a little crazy around the farm these days and the lists are long.  Saturday morning, I’m embarking on a first for the National Ladies Homestead Gathering….a 10 day trip to the Pacific Northwest to visit several of our west coast chapters. We’re concluding our trip with a stop at the Mother Earth News Fair in Albany, Oregon.  I’ll be teaching two classes, “Women in Homesteading, the Need for Community” and “Simplify Your Homestead Plan.”  (If you’re in the area, please stop by!)

Many months of planning have gone into this trip and Trina and I are super excited to get started!!  (Trina is my very dear friend from VA and she’s also on the National Board.  Trina’s never been to the PNW and I’m so happy i get to introduce her to this gorgeous part of the country.)  I’ll add our itineraries so you can follow along on our journey.  Because the National Ladies Homestead Gathering (NLHG) is a young non-profit, we’re working on a shoestring budget.  I want to thank those who have been instrumental in making this trip possible.

First thanks to Diona Fredo!  She’s a flight attendant with Southwest and her volunteer hours with LHG granted us one round trip ticket.  Huge savings for us as we travel to the west coast.

Our first stop – Portland, Oregon!  Dave, my husband, grew up just outside of Portland and his mom and sister are still there.  We’ll be staying with them the first night.  Big thanks to my in-laws for allowing us to stay with them in their beautiful home.  It will be great to see them and I so appreciate not having to stay in a hotel 🙂  AND that’s not all!  My sister-in-law, Carolyn, has offered for us to use one of her cars!  Seriously!  We’re going to be traveling hundreds of miles up and over mountain ranges and she is gifting us the use of her car.  I was blown away.  She saved us over $700 in car rental fees.  Huge thank you, Carolyn ❤

A dear friend, and an NLHG Chapter Board member, sent us a Starbucks gift card (as she said, How can you be at the mothership and not get coffee?!)  (and Trina doesn’t drink coffee….more for me??!)  She also sent a $100 visa card for any travel expenses we may run into during our travels.   So incredibly grateful for this gift!!

On Sunday, we stop to visit with one of our new NLHG Chapters in Cowlitz County.  So excited to meet these ladies and to be there in person to answer any questions they may have about running a brand new chapter.

After our time with the ladies of the Cowlitz Chapter, we head north to Silverdale, WA to spend the night with my brother and his family.  Dual purpose visit – I haven’t seen him & his family in 4 years!!  AND it saves us a hotel bill.  (Thanks Kev for putting us up for the night and I can’t wait to see you!)

And then the next day……

You’ll just have to wait and see!  I’m bringing my computer to blog when I have a minute and for sure Trina and I will be posting lots of pictures.

For me, this is a sentimental “going home.”  Outside of GA, WA was the longest place i’d ever lived.  Five of my six children were born there.  We still have so many great friends who live there. (And I’m so sorry there’s not more time to see you all!  Next trip, I promise 😉

This trip is also a “pinch me!” journey.  We have NLHG chapters popping up all over the country, especially out in this area.  I still shake my head when I remember the very first meeting we had as Lazy B Farm Ladies Homestead Gathering seven years ago.  I never would have imagined I’d be where I am today!  One day at a time, one step at a time, one woman at a time until this beautiful tapestry of a community evolves.  Simply incredible!

We’re at 1000 “likes”!

I remember when I first started the Lazy B Farm page on Facebook.  It all sounded good and gave me an outlet to share what was going on with the day to day happenings.  I never thought people would seriously be interested in all the details of running a homestead.

Dave, my techy husband, had a friend who’d been studying all the social media craze. They’d been talking… and when I talked with Dave and he said that our goal was 1,000 “likes” on the page, I just laughed.

We got quickly to around 200 just cuz of my faithful friends and some who’d taken the classes here at the farm. But the increase kept going!

1,000 “likes”!  I still shake my head at the number 🙂

Lazy B Farm just ended our 3rd year of classes and events.  It’s funny to me – I never intended for this all to become a “business” but I absolutely love what’s been happening.  The greatest blessing has been the addition of so many like-minded friends, whether they live around here or are cyber friends.  There were a lot of lonely years for me but not any more!

So much has happened in 3 short years.

And I’m excited because we have so many new additions coming in January.

Probably the addition that will bring the most help is a brand new website!  It’s to launch in January – we’re working out the bugs now.

The new website will have a store where you can purchase everything from lip balm to pork.  We’re working on new items to add to our store but I can’t tell you what they are yet 🙂

Our guests will also be able to register for classes and events on line – no more sending checks in the mail!!!  (Unless of course you would like to)

My webmaster will be giving me tutorial lessons on how to update information so it’s always correct, especially the calendar.  Our blog will be incorporated into the website and there will be weekly homesteading tips on all kinds of subjects.

I’ve hired a bookkeeper who will help me keep the financial side of the farm in good stead.  This is probably my least favorite area.  But it’s her favorite area so it’s a win-win!  Now maybe all those checks will make it to the bank on time instead of weeks later.

“Cows in the Cafeteria” will be launched in January and I’m very excited about this new venture.  It’s been quite the journey getting to this point but it will be worth all the effort.  The the introduction and full explanation of what I’m talking about will come in another blog 🙂

There are other fun items in the works but I couldn’t wait to tell you about these.

Why is all this happening?  Because of friends like you who have helped to make this passion and mission of homesteading a reality.  Our goal to educate is the focus of our doings here at the Lazy B Farm.  We’ve hoped and dreamed, planted and tended and you all have been the rain of encouragement and support to make this farm what it is today.

Thank you!  And thanks for “liking” our FB page 🙂

Ladies’ Homestead Gathering Retreat – Sunday!

To cap off our Ladies’ Homestead Retreat, we hiked the Tennessee Rock Trail on Black Rock Mountain.

Here are those brave hearted ladies, who, though sleep deprived and still full from all the fabulous meals, decided to accomplish this last feat of the weekend!

It was a gorgeous afternoon and the colors of the leaves, glorious.

Once we made the initial ascent, which was fairly intense, we filed through the woods chatting and laughing.

Occasionally, the whole group would stop to identify a plant or tree.

Then it was time to hike UP to the top of Tennessee Rock.  A lot of encouraging words were spoken and hands extended to help one another to the “reward” at the top.

One of the “rewards” was stopping to eat lunch.  We’d all made our lunches back at Foxfire, put them in brown bags and carried them in our back packs.  A few of us also gathered up some of the radishes that were shared at the retreat, putting those too into brown bags.

Poor Julie.  After  all the talk of “can’t wait to get to the top to eat. I made a great lunch with all the leftovers!”  She was sorely disappointed to find she had grabbed the wrong brown bag and all she had were radishes to look forward to!

No worries.  There were all kinds of offers from other brown bags to satisfy her hunger 🙂

The other rewards for all our hiking, were the views!

Crisp mountain air, perfect temps, great fellowship with friends, and the vistas…

Great way to end a fantastic weekend.

We chatted some more, reminisced about the weekend,

enjoyed the sunshine and geared up for the descent to the bottom.

Two of the plants that we identified along our hike-

Rattlesnake Plantain

and Usnea.

We all made it to the bottom in one piece, a little more tired than when we started but exhilerated from the hike and being with friends.

We drove back to the Foxfire Museum and packed up our final belongings.  Kelly had stayed behind to “clean up” a little and  when I took a look around, she’d done everything!  It looked amazing.

As the last car drove down the hill and the sun was beginning to set, Lynn suggested that we sit in the rocking chairs on the back porch to savor our last moments before being thrust back into reality.

Words cannot begin to describe the intense gratitude I felt for all the ladies who had participated in our inaugural Ladies Homestead Retreat.  Everyone had a hand in its success and the comradery that was created will leave lasting memories.

The feeling is mutual – we can’t wait till next years retreat!!

Interested in joining us for the 2012  Ladies’ Homestead Gathering Retreat?

The dates are October 12 – 14, with an option of arriving October 11 for an all day workshop on the 12th.

We are privileged to once again be guests at the Foxfire Museum in Mountain City, GA.

Check the Lazy B Farm website for further details after January.

http://www.thelazybfarm.com

LHG Retreat – the rest of Saturday

Saturday afternoon, we had a special guest teacher – Patricia Kyritsi Howell of Botanologos/Wild Healing Herbs.  She arrived a little early and was brave enough to immerse herself in our fun-filled group by eating lunch with all of us.

The focus for her class was medicinal herbs and concoctions for winter colds and flu.

After a marvelous, filling lunch, Patricia served us all a calming tea – very calming….

It’s a good thing she’s such a great teacher otherwise we would have all been fast asleep on the floor!

I don’t remember the herbs but I want to know what was in that tea.  I might just serve it to some of the school groups who come visit the farm!!

Photo -op!   Such beauty, such poise ….such hams!

(Dee is sniffing one of the  cough syrups that Patricia made up for us)

Lots of note taking in this class!  I love Stephanie in this pic.

I don’t know if it’s an “Oh no!” or  “Aha!”

After the fun time we had with Patricia – we needed a brain break…

See this peaceful little cabin near the woods?

Not any more!!

The ladies all went out to try their hand, or rather their feet, at walking on stilts.

A chicken fight challenge was thrown out to the crowd.

“HA HA!!,”  said Julie.  “I laugh in the face of danger!!”

Not sure what the outcome was but…

Julie was seen “stilting” her way into the woods.

Another cry for a challenge was tossed to the crowd by Cindy Bee.

“And who dares climb the insurmountable stairs of this cabin!!?”

“Like this!!”

Lynn grabbed hold of the challenge and ascended the stairs…

And soundly claimed her victory by also DESCENDING the stairs!

“Me, me next!!  I wanna try!”

“Ta Da!!!     …Quick take the picture before I fall off!!”

Okay – enough frivolity.  Back to serious business…

The logs had been cut earlier in the day – now they had to be split.

After careful instruction from Lynn, we really did place these dangerous tools in the hands of women!

They did a great job – of course 🙂

A little more instruction…

Which was, even if your axe gets stuck in the log – always look good!

Ah, the sweet feel of success!  I heard tell that these pieces of wood were going to be mounted on the wall, right next to the deer head!

The concentration….

The sheer determination…. (I mean, look at her face!)

The finesse and dexterity…

And of course the fun!  That’s what it takes to split wood with other women!

But beware – don’t mess with the teacher!!

Again, the woods surrounding were saved by the call to dinner.

We had a true Southern dinner and it was amazing!  Still a little full from lunch, I headed to the kitchen thinking I would take a “taste” of each dish.

Oh no – not hardly!  Incredible mashed potatoes, squash casserole, mac and cheese (not from a box!), butter beans, chicken and gravy (the chicken expertly picked from the carcass) and pumpkin pie for dessert!

And as with every evening meal – homemade wine from the Winey Goat (thanks Amanda!)

We talked and laughed some more, rehashed events from the day, wrote down more quotes, cleaned the kitchen and then headed down to the fire pit.

Thanks to the lumber jack crew, we had expertly stacked kindling and wood for the fire.

Anne-Marie had bread dough left over from class that morning and I suggested we get a flat rock and put it on the grate over the fire.

“Let’s put the dough on the rock and see what happens!”

It worked!!  So with a glass of wine or “apple pie”, we toasted the day and broke bread together 🙂

We stayed by the fire for a while, laughing till we cried at times.  Then slowly, the wonderful, intoxicating tiredness of a day well spent began to take over.

One by one or two by two, the ladies ascended the hill to warm, comfy beds.

A good time was had by all and the sisterhood connection of these homesteaders was knit by the learning, laughing and sharing of the day.

LHG Retreat – First 1/2 of Saturday

Saturday morning dawned…

Well, it was before dawn and it was dark and cold!

These faithful, homestead-hearted women showed up for butchering class.

My  “looks way too cute for this early in the morning” assistant, Christy, held the chicken in our makeshift killing cone.

“OHHHH, does that hurt the chicken??”

“Nope, the head is off :-)”

So proud of these 3!  They actually, mmm, how does one put this discreetly?  Sent these chickens on their final flight??

Processing the chickens.  The internal temp of a chicken is 107 degrees.  Our hands were freezing since it was in the 30’s.

They didn’t mind this job so much!

See?

We saved the pelts so we could take off some of the beautiful feathers for earrings.

Trying to use as much as we could.

I also loved looking at the colors of the feathers and the fall leaves on the ground.

Some of my favorite comments from this class:

“Is that all the blood there is?”

“This isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be!”

“Oh, it’s so warm in here :-)”

“I can do this!”

After Butchering class, we feasted on an amazing Southern breakfast of biscuits and gravy, sausage, scrambled eggs, and I can’t remember the rest.  I just remember it was so delicious and so wonderful after a morning of processing chickens for the evening’s meal.  We were freezing and this breakfast was warm and tasty.

Best part of all???  I didn’t have to make it!

After breakfast dishes were done, Anne-Marie did a class on making artisan bread.

She was just like the chefs on TV!  She had everything set up – from mixing to finished product.

She was showing us the air pockets in the finished dough which is covered by a crunchy crust.  I love bread like this!

Anne-Marie is such a great cook 🙂

I think the selling point on this bread was the fact that you mixed but no kneading.

And we were told several times “Don’t mess with it!”

Ready to rise…

Ready for the oven…

But first, Anne-Marie scored the bread with quick skillful, stealth-like hands.

Oh yum!!  And the one lesson we all learned…

“Don’t you know how dangerous it is to eat hot bread out of the oven???”

The only danger we could come up with was the poundage gained from eating a whole loaf with butter smeared all over it!

Next, there was some time to visit the Foxfire buildings for a self-guided tour.  It was a gorgeous day!!

This is the grist mill.  It’s amazing to see the grinding stones that had to be moved into place.

Number one spot for pictures is hanging out of the upstairs window.

Second most popular spot?   Lying in the coffin in the chapel 🙂

Some of the ladies actually took that photo opportunity but I don’t have the pics 😦

Because of the rain the previous night, we cut the tour short and Lynn had her Chainsaw Class.

Explaining the inner workings of the chainsaw to the wanna-be lumber jacks.

Demoing how to properly cut a log.  Lynn has taught some of my children and her father is amazing with a chainsaw!  Lynn is also extremely safety conscious because of her occupation so I thought she’d be the perfect instructor…

And I was right 🙂

Such glee on the faces of these women when we put a power tool in their hands!

The roar of the engine, the effortless cut of the wood…

Oh yeah!!!  Don’t mess with them now!!

Okay – so maybe one or two were a little more timid about handling this piece of equipment…

But the joy of success always feels the same!!

All kinds of victories in this class.  There was cheering when the cord was yanked one last time for the sound of the roar of the engine!

And happy anticipation of putting blade to wood.

There was no stopping these women now…

Each successful slice of the log…

The more empowered they felt!

And certainly don’t underestimate the shortest one in the group (yep, just a little shorter than me!)

Anne-Marie certainly held her own with that chainsaw!

I wouldn’t want to mess with her for sure!

It’s a good thing they called us for lunch!!  I fear these woods would have been cut to the ground by these chainsaw wielding women!

With growling stomachs after all that work, lunch was a sight to behold…

Amanda made an authentic Mexican lunch and we all ate way more than we should have!!

3 different kinds of empanadas, tostadas, homemade salsa – more than just one, corn salad, guacamole and more!

We were eating wayyyyy too good on this retreat!

No time for naps today…

There was a lot left on the schedule for the rest of the day!

LHG Retreat – Friday, Oct 28

Finally, the weekend for our Ladies’ Homestead Gathering Retreat had arrived!!  I was so excited and couldn’t wait to get to the mountains!

Lynn and I pulled up to Foxfire about 1pm – a little later than I was planning but Lynn assured me she’d help me get everything set up for the ladies.

By the time everyone started to pull into the parking lot, we’d finished getting everything set.

Let the fun begin!

Foxfire had asked the weaver if she would stay a little longer on Friday so our group could come to watch her weave.

A couple of us headed down to her building.

Foxfire has such a rich history – too long to go into here, but I absolutely love all the buildings!

Sharon was a wonderful hostess and demonstrated the shuttle on this particular loom.  I was shocked to learn how long it took just to thread the looms BEFORE she even started weaving!

This loom took 5 hours to thread.  She had another loom that took DAYS to thread!  That’s dedication for you…

 

Sharon is also a spinner and dyes her own wool with natural dyes.  These skeins were beautiful – I loved touching the yarn.  Her favorite wool to spin is Romney – me too! Our Romney, Rosie, has an incredible fleece.

I recognized a lot of the plant names that she’d used in her dying.

I asked Sharon if she ever taught classes on natural dying.  She used to but it was too difficult now because of family issues.

Bummer…

But then Sharon came back around to it later on in our conversation and said she’d be open to doing a class with us at some point!

You can be sure I’ll follow up on that lead for next year’s retreat.  I’d love to learn how to dye my wool with natural dying agents.

I kept thinking of the Knit and Spin group when I was with Sharon, surrounded by such beautiful craftmanship.  They would have loved to see the Weaver’s building 🙂

Just a note – see all those hooks she hangs her skeins on??  That’s one of the first items I want to make in my blacksmith area so I can hang my wool like that in the farm store.

Paulette, who works with Foxfire, graciously agreed to come up to the Longhouse to speak to the women about the history of Foxfire.  The drizzle soon turned to rain and we all went inside.

AND, the Chainsaw Class had to be postponed till the next day.

So we consoled our disappointment by eating the most fabulous Italian dinner!!

Kim, Anne-Marie, and Stephanie put out an incredible spread!

A rainy, chilly night in the mountains of the Appalachians and homemade Italian food with close friends and soon-to-be close friends made for the most wonderful evening.

We all sat around, eating more than we should have, sipping homemade wine, sharing stories and laughing till we cried!

Little did we know, this would be the rhythm of our time together – learning, eating, laughing!

Paulette had specifically told me that no food should be left in cars or on the porches outside overnight….

Guess who slept in the tub  of my shared room that night????

Inaugural Ladies’ Homestead Gathering Retreat

I’m still basking in the memories of the retreat as they filter through my mind while I try to get back to life here on the farm.

When I sat at this table this summer, taking notes and dreaming about what it would be like to actually have a retreat focused solely on homesteading, my dreams couldn’t begin to conceive all the emotional/relational gifts that would be mine after a weekend together with like-minded women.

After my friend and I waved good-bye to the last car as it made it’s way down the mountain, re-checked all the rooms and buildings, and put our own belongings into the truck, my very good friend suggested we sit on the back porch to “breathe” before we headed down the mountain ourselves.

While we sat in the rocking chairs, breathing in the crisp fall air of dusk, surrounded by the incredible beauty of the Appalachian Mountains, we reminisced about the activities and conversations of the last 48 hours.

And then she asked me a very poignant question – Did the weekend meet the expectations I had for a Ladies’ Homestead Retreat?

Moments before we sat together on the porch, I had to make my way up the path to the Guest House to look for a walking stick that had been left behind.  In the quiet solitude and alone with my  thoughts, I had been thinking about all the “firsts” and “victories” that had happened over the weekend for these women and my heart welled with incredible emotion, almost to the point of tears.

This retreat went far beyond my expectations….

As we rocked back and forth in our weather worn rockers, I shared that with all those “firsts”  and “victories” came a sense of accomplishment when a new skill was learned; self-worth when added knowledge was given to a conversation; self-confidence when a fear was overcome or a goal successfully achieved; a belief in who they are as a person, that they matter, when hugs and words of affirmation were given after they shared a part of their “story.”

You can never ever buy or purchase those gifts for another person – you can only offer the opportunity to try and the encouragement and hand holding to let them know you believe in them with all your heart.

The cheering and the clapping resounding in the valley when one of the gals successfully split a piece of wood with an axe; the applause and “atta girl!” for the first time teacher of one of the classes; those light bulb moments when a concept or plant identification  was understood and grasped;  the “come on, you can do it!!” whether they were trucking to the top of the mountain or picking a chicken for the first time – these are the results of sisterhood, friendship, a community of like-minded women.

Time after time this weekend, my heart rejoiced as I watched each woman receive the gift of self-worth, self-confidence, “you matter.”

This was OUR weekend, we all made it happen, we all had a part in its success…

And we all shared in the joy and blessing of friendship.

In May,when I sat at that little table on the porch of a rustic log building and scribbled notes and ideas for a ladies’ homestead retreat, little did I know that the reality of those dreams would far exceed any of my expectations.

Thank you ladies, my friends, for an incredible weekend.

Creative Alternative??

I finally finished the scarf I’ve been working on!!

I was able to get a lot of it done yesterday at the festival where I had a booth.  Once Megan got there, around lunch time, I handed over the reins and sat in a chair to knit.  I do find it very difficult to just sit and knit but since I didn’t have any other responsibilities, I thought it would be the perfect time to work on this scarf.

It’s true – knitting does get faster the more you do it and pretty soon I was zipping along….

well, maybe not zipping, but faster than I had been!

I was so close to finishing and we had to tear down the booth and head home.

Later, the kids wanted to watch a movie – I wanted to go to bed but then I remembered the scarf.

Of course I’ll watch the movie!!

And I finished knitting the scarf –  pleased with how it turned out.

However, there’s one slight problem…

I don’t know how to get it off the knitting needle.

So, being the constant problem solver that I am, I decided perhaps the knitting needle would look good as a fastener for the scarf!

What do you think!!?

Too Good Not to Share!

An old lady, Tootsie, from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in the 1940’s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan.

The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with “Carnation Milk is best of all.”

She thought to herself, I know everything there is to know about milk and dairy farms.  I can do this!

She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black car pulled up in front of her house.

A large man got out, knocked on her door and said, “Ma’am, …The President of Carnation Milk absolutely LOVED your entry….so much, in fact, that we are here to award you $1,000 even though we will not be able to use it for our advertisements!”

He did, however, have one printed up to hang on his office wall.

Candid Corner: Homesteading-Raw and Uncensored

Oft times when I mention that I have a homestead on 7 acres, I get similar reactions…

“Oh, how wonderful!”

“I’ve always wanted to live like that…”

“It must be so rewarding…”

Homesteading often conjures up mental images of fuzzy baby chicks, white fluffy lambs, contented cows lazily munching in green lush pastures… the satisfaction of fresh picked produce, frothy warm goat’s milk in a bucket, and farm fresh eggs plucked from a nesting box.

And while all these images are true, there are days when homesteading is just plain raw, ugly and painful.

Remember Marbles?  Our goat who was sick a couple of weeks ago and I wasn’t certain what was wrong with her?

Well, she recovered and was her ornery self, pushing the other goats away from the feed trough, butting everyone in the head to maintain her dominance.  We loved her – she had so much personality and she was the first goat on our farm, a birthday gift to Victoria.

Tori taught her to run and jump into her arms.  Marbles made great babies and was a good momma.

About a week ago, I was feeding the goats and noticed something on Marbles leg, a fluid that had dripped down her leg.  I looked underneath her belly and noticed a wound on her udder.

I had Megan help me get Marbles onto the milk stand so I could get a better look.  There was a hole on the inside of her udder between the two teats.  It was nasty looking and I wasn’t sure if she had torn her udder.  I poured peroxide on it to clean out the beginning stages of infection.  Yeah, it stung – you could tell because the pupils in Marbles eyes got really big.

We let her off the stand and she stood in the corner of the barn for a while.  I watched and soon she was back to bossing around the other goats – no more pain.

Over the next couple of days, the wound got bigger and soon half her udder was dangling, the teat looking leathery and hard.  I was beside myself about what to do and what made it worse, Marbles was acting very normal- eating well, playing with the other goats.

Finally yesterday, the wound was worse and I knew that I had to put her down before this situation got to the point where it was an emergency.  I’d been agonizing over this decision, hoping every day that I went to the barn that by some miracle, I would see some improvement.  I talked with a couple of friends who own animals.  We tossed around ideas but the final conclusion was – Marbles would have to have surgery to correct the problem.

You want to know about raw homesteading?  It’s when your emotions and logic conflict, when your heart says “whatever it takes” and your mind says “at what cost.”  When your memory replays all the videos of your children bottle feeding this goat, “napping” with this goat, standing in awe as this goat gave birth to two beautiful babies…

And your practical side looks at a 9 year old goat who can no longer give birth or nurse a baby or provide milk for the family; calculating the monetary cost of a surgery that may or may not work.

It’s awful.  And it hurts.  And it keeps me awake at night and wakes me in the morning…

And I alone have to make the final decision on the life of this goat, our pet – whether she lives or dies.

That is the reality of raw, uncensored homesteading.

At 5:30pm, it was decided that Marbles would be put down at 7pm.  Tears filled my eyes when I hung up the phone after making the arrangement.  A friend’s brother-in-law would come to our farm and bring his gun.

I went into the bathroom and called a close friend of mine and cried, making sure that I was doing the right thing.  It’s a lonely ache that invades your heart in moments like this.  My 14 year old wanted to be there when Marbles was put down.  As a mom, I wanted to protect her from this harsh reality.  She wants to be a vet – should I let her be a part of this experience?  My husband was unavailable…my heart won in this instance and I decided that I would stay with Marbles and not her.

I dug the hole with the tractor and Tori and Megan finished cleaning it out with the shovel.  I had a hair appointment in town at 6:15p.  As I headed home and turned onto our dirt road, I allowed my mind to replay the memories and I cried again.  I drove down our driveway, there was Marbles nuzzling through wind blown leaves looking for acorns, snatching them up and munching them with a very satisfied look on her face.

The gentleman who came to help us arrived.  He asked me a question and the tears choked my throat and I couldn’t answer.  Megan came out and I put Molly, our Border Collie, in the house and picked up the leash for Marbles.  I’d composed myself with these tasks and could converse one again.

I walked into the goat pen, hooked the leash on Marble’s collar and headed out the gate toward the back of the pasture.  Twice, she dug her hooves into the ground and didn’t want to move.  The last time was just as we approached the hole in the ground.

“Ugh – please don’t make this any harder than it is…”

The gentleman was so sweet.  He took the leash and asked me if I wanted to go to the house.

“No- I’ll stay but I won’t watch.  I’ll just stand over here and wait.”

Silence…

…and then the gun shot.  My breath caught in my throat with an audible ache from my heart.   And I listened.

Silence…

When I turned around, he was dragging Marble’s body into the hole we’d dug for her.

It was over…the wrestling, the anguish, the torment about what to do.  Though my heart wanted to argue, I knew I had made the right decision.

He offered to cover her for me.

“No thank you – I’m okay.”

Megan was immediately by my side, having come down from the house.

We chatted for a bit with this gentleman, so grateful for his help. I offered to pay him.

No, no payment, just glad he could help and oh, by the way, “call me again ma’am if you ever need to put down another.”

I walked him to his truck, he handed me Marbles collar and leash, I shook his hand and thanked him again.

Dusk was creeping in, the moon rising and I wanted to cover the body well so the coyotes would stay away.  I headed back to pasture and climbed onto the tractor.  Within minutes, Marbles was buried.

Megan hopped on the tractor with me and we drove back up to the house.  Megan leaned over and said, “Mom, she’s grazing with Emma in those beautiful pastures along with all our other animals.  We have a farm waiting for us!”

A beautiful, star filled sky and a brilliant full moon…my girls who offered hugs and sweet tenderness.

No one ever told me about these kind of days when I chose to homestead.  Perhaps because the emotional heartache of days like this one, so raw and uncensored, are soothed and consoled by fuzzy baby chicks, fluffy white lambs, and contented cows lazily munching in lush green pastures…